Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Pregnancy 2: 39 Weeks

I didn't even write a post at 39 weeks last time around which is sort of a bummer, since I wanted to see if I was as done with pregnancy then as I am now.  Because truth be told?  I am done.  I have been saying that I was done since 36 weeks, but now I am worried about my mental health if I have to continue much longer in this state.  Seriously, I am short circuiting, and it isn't pretty.  Being a mom and being 9 months  pregnant is hard.  Really, really hard.  I am not a good mother right now, and it makes me sad.  I want to have the mobility and the energy to play with my toddler.  I want to have my child sit comfortably in my lap while reading books.  I want to not completely loose my freakin' mind when my toddler requests something 20 times in a row.  I just can't cope.  I can't physically cope, and I can't mentally or emotionally cope.  The breakdowns.  Let's not talk about the crazy breakdowns. 

So let's compare.  It looks like baby girl is smaller than Finn at 39 weeks.  Actually, it sort of looked that way at 36 weeks.  She is measuring fundal height on the smaller end too (Finn was always right on).  Let's hope that a smaller reading does not indicate a need for a longer incubation time.  (For reasons stated above.)  The picture on the right was taken two days before I went into labor.  I can only pray that I follow suite this time too.  (Baby Girl, have I mentioned a few times now that I am ready for you to vacate the space already?)

Part of my impatience stems from my body playing mind games with me.  Two weekends ago, I thought for sure delivery was imminent.  I woke up two nights in a row with strong, but irregular contractions.  My body was giving me other indications that could indicate labor was near (loose stools, frequent needing to pee, etc.---oh, I'm sorry, was that too much information?)  I called my sisters and told them that they were on baby watch.  At the midwife appointment, I had them check check my progression.  I was 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced.  Yeah!  But then came......nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I went back to feeling like I was going to be pregnant for months--no contractions, no other symptoms, nothing.   All you can say is that my body was prepping.  At this last appointment, the midwives didn't check, and I didn't ask.  I have since felt the occasional contractions--enough to tease me into thinking that something might be starting, but obviously no baby.  I heard this is common in subsequent pregnancies, but it doesn't make it any less annoying.  Stop with the mind games!

I have become one of those crazy tired pregnant ladies who glowers at everyone because no one can understand their misery.  I hate that, but I think I hate being pregnant more so.....there you go.




Jaimee said...

I SO feel for you, Deanna! The end is really hard, especially when we expect things to be similar to our first pregnancies. Things are simply harder with a preschooler running around! You are not alone in how you are feeling right now... many of us make crazy, irritable, impatient pregnant women. Everything is truly heightened by the pregnancy and feels way more out of control than usual. Things will calm down- emotionally speaking- when baby arrives. I promise!

My best advice for you is this: try, try, try your very hardest to enjoy these last days. These are the last days you'll have as a family of 3. These are the last days that Finn will be your only baby. These are the last days that you won't have a newborn to nurse and diapers to change. These are the last days that you life is the way you are used to it. So, I highly recommend that you request some assistance from friends, family, and your husband to get some FREE time. You probably are in desperate need of time to yourself to just decompress, to just think about breathing, to focus on the upcoming labor, to relax. I know I felt much less prepared for labor #2 than #1 b/c I simply didn't have the chance to sit still and think about it. Try to take care of yourself in these last few days and maybe think of some fun things you can handle doing with Finn to honor his last few days as the only child in the family. Put it to your husband to plan a day or early evening out without Finn- this weekend! And plan time in the house without Finn as well. If you don't get to do it b/c baby arrives, great! But otherwise you've got something fun to look forward to. You deserve this! :)

Baby will be here very, very soon... dig deep and try to get excited about the impending signs you see each day. Value these last few steps in the journey as best you can. I know it's hard! ((HUGS))

Angela said...

I left a comment here a while ago but I guess something happened and it didn't stick. I am so sorry things are rough for you right now. I understand what you're feeling (except for the already being a parent part). It is so discouraging when nothing happens and every little thing that does makes you think its finally going to happen and then it doesn't. And then of course there are the questions that you just can't seem to escape, questions like, "when is this baby coming? or why isn't that baby here yet?" questions that even you can't answer although you'd like to be able to. It will happen even though I know it feels like you'll be pregnant forever. Your little girl is coming and it will be worth it in the end. I will continue to pray for you. I'm excited to see that little girl soon.


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