Monday, May 9, 2011

Thoughts on Motherhood

After graduating college, I went on a mission for my church.  After four years of really just thinking about me and all things me related (my major, my interests, my grades, my scholastic abilities, etc.), I thought it would be really nice and developmentally essential to be focused on others for a set period of time (a year and a half). 

That year and a half was hard.  It was hard to not have a say over how I spent my time.  I worked.  Period.  End of Story.  My companion and I left our apartment by nine and came home by nine with a two hours for lunch and dinner sneaked in.  I remember longing to sit still for an hour or two and read a frivolous, non-church related book.  How lovely would it be to sleep in, just for one day.  And sometimes, I just wanted to be alone.  Really alone.  Not with my companion in the other room kind of alone.    

By the end of the year and a half, I was sort of done.  Don't get me wrong, it was one of the best times of my life with an extraordinary amount of personal growth, but it was hard, and I was exhausted by the end of it. 

Recently, I have been experiencing a sense of deja vu.  I long for stretches of uninterrupted time where I can just go and do my own thing: reading, watching a movie, update this blog, etc.  How lovely it would be to sleep in (or to even get uninterrupted sleep at night.)  And yes.  I even wish to be alone.  Really alone.  I realized that once again, I am on a mission.  A mission where my needs are secondary.  However this mission is called motherhood and unfortunately, it is going to last much longer than a year and a half.

Like I found the on my first mission, the daily grind makes it really easy to loose focus on the bigger picture and its importance.  However, with a church mission, there were scheduled conferences and meetings intended specifically to boost morale and to remind you about how awesome you were and how you were doing a Great Work.  As cheesy as it may sound (my pre-mother self would be mocking me right now), morale boosting meetings sound really nice.  (And no, church meetings where I am trying to constrain my son and stop him from eating some petrified raisin that he found on the carpet do not count as morale boosting.)  Sometimes I need reminding that raising my son is the most significant thing I could be doing right now.

I guess what I do know is that hard things are worth it.  Sacrifice brings for blessings.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  And you know, I can totally call payback when I am old and gray.  My children are going to take care of me and like it, by jingo. 


Hizzeather said...

Motherhood conferences are a great idea! If only we lived on the same coast, we could arrange those! And of course it would be good if I had a kid, too. :)


Angela said...

Motherhood is so important. My cousin does a blog that you so have to read. I don't think it's password protected, let me know if it is. It's at Try it out. It's full of reasons why motherhood is so important. PS loved the videos of your little one.

Kristina said...

Amen and hallelujah. Thought I should tell you that I get a boost from reading your posts. thanks for sharing!


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