Monday, May 9, 2011

Thoughts on Motherhood

After graduating college, I went on a mission for my church.  After four years of really just thinking about me and all things me related (my major, my interests, my grades, my scholastic abilities, etc.), I thought it would be really nice and developmentally essential to be focused on others for a set period of time (a year and a half). 

That year and a half was hard.  It was hard to not have a say over how I spent my time.  I worked.  Period.  End of Story.  My companion and I left our apartment by nine and came home by nine with a two hours for lunch and dinner sneaked in.  I remember longing to sit still for an hour or two and read a frivolous, non-church related book.  How lovely would it be to sleep in, just for one day.  And sometimes, I just wanted to be alone.  Really alone.  Not with my companion in the other room kind of alone.    

By the end of the year and a half, I was sort of done.  Don't get me wrong, it was one of the best times of my life with an extraordinary amount of personal growth, but it was hard, and I was exhausted by the end of it. 

Recently, I have been experiencing a sense of deja vu.  I long for stretches of uninterrupted time where I can just go and do my own thing: reading, watching a movie, update this blog, etc.  How lovely it would be to sleep in (or to even get uninterrupted sleep at night.)  And yes.  I even wish to be alone.  Really alone.  I realized that once again, I am on a mission.  A mission where my needs are secondary.  However this mission is called motherhood and unfortunately, it is going to last much longer than a year and a half.

Like I found the on my first mission, the daily grind makes it really easy to loose focus on the bigger picture and its importance.  However, with a church mission, there were scheduled conferences and meetings intended specifically to boost morale and to remind you about how awesome you were and how you were doing a Great Work.  As cheesy as it may sound (my pre-mother self would be mocking me right now), morale boosting meetings sound really nice.  (And no, church meetings where I am trying to constrain my son and stop him from eating some petrified raisin that he found on the carpet do not count as morale boosting.)  Sometimes I need reminding that raising my son is the most significant thing I could be doing right now.

I guess what I do know is that hard things are worth it.  Sacrifice brings for blessings.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  And you know, I can totally call payback when I am old and gray.  My children are going to take care of me and like it, by jingo. 

3 comments:

Hizzeather said...

Motherhood conferences are a great idea! If only we lived on the same coast, we could arrange those! And of course it would be good if I had a kid, too. :)

<3

Angela said...

Motherhood is so important. My cousin does a blog that you so have to read. I don't think it's password protected, let me know if it is. It's at http://nomorenoblework.blogspot.com/. Try it out. It's full of reasons why motherhood is so important. PS loved the videos of your little one.

Kristina said...

Amen and hallelujah. Thought I should tell you that I get a boost from reading your posts. thanks for sharing!

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