Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Half-Blood Baby

So, I am beginning to suspect my baby of being part vampire or part werewolf (i.e. wild dog).  The way he attacks flesh is a bit unnerving.  I have taken the liberty of looking at the evidence in order to determine what sort of baby I might have on my hands.


Evidence for:

  • His favorite part to attack with vengeance is the jugular.  Or any part of the neck.  Coincidence? 
  • He does seem to enjoy being awake at night, and at other times of the day when he should be sleeping.
  • He flinches at direct sunlight.
  • He has sharp teeth.

Evidence against:

  • He doesn’t sparkle in direct sunlight.
  • He has a normal name.  Normally, demon spawn have ridiculous names given to them.
  • I can’t recall having any assignations with a vampire, and vampirism is not thought to be a genetic condition.
  • His gestational period was completely normal.   


Evidence for:

  • He has puppy-like playfulness
  • He seems quite warm most of the time.
  • He has sharp teeth.
  • His hair is soft and fuzzy.
  • His periods of fussiness and lust for flesh seem to come and go on a regular cycle?  Could it be lunar?
  • The werewolf condition has been shown in some instances (*cough* New Moon *cough*) to be genetically predetermined. 
  • He has a normal name.
  • He gestational period was normal.
  • He likes to eat a lot.
  • He drools a lot.

Evidence against:

  • He hasn’t changed shape as of yet.  However, he might still be too young.  Perhaps in puberty?
  • I haven’t heard of any werewolfs in the family--although that could just be a well kept secret.
  • He doesn’t as yet growl.  But then again, he is still young.

I am afraid that the evidence strongly suggests that Baby F. is a wolf-baby.  It is too soon to tell as most of the signs express themselves during puberty (according to Stephenie Meyer, a self-proclaimed expert on the matter.) 

The only other explanation could be that he is teething again, but that seems highly unlikely.


Hizzeather said...

bah ha ha!

Definitely safer to assume something uber-dramatic rather than something so boring as teething! :)

heidikins said...

Hahaha, this made me giggle.



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