Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Half-Blood Baby

So, I am beginning to suspect my baby of being part vampire or part werewolf (i.e. wild dog).  The way he attacks flesh is a bit unnerving.  I have taken the liberty of looking at the evidence in order to determine what sort of baby I might have on my hands.



Vampire

Evidence for:

  • His favorite part to attack with vengeance is the jugular.  Or any part of the neck.  Coincidence? 
  • He does seem to enjoy being awake at night, and at other times of the day when he should be sleeping.
  • He flinches at direct sunlight.
  • He has sharp teeth.

Evidence against:

  • He doesn’t sparkle in direct sunlight.
  • He has a normal name.  Normally, demon spawn have ridiculous names given to them.
  • I can’t recall having any assignations with a vampire, and vampirism is not thought to be a genetic condition.
  • His gestational period was completely normal.   


Werewolf

Evidence for:

  • He has puppy-like playfulness
  • He seems quite warm most of the time.
  • He has sharp teeth.
  • His hair is soft and fuzzy.
  • His periods of fussiness and lust for flesh seem to come and go on a regular cycle?  Could it be lunar?
  • The werewolf condition has been shown in some instances (*cough* New Moon *cough*) to be genetically predetermined. 
  • He has a normal name.
  • He gestational period was normal.
  • He likes to eat a lot.
  • He drools a lot.

Evidence against:

  • He hasn’t changed shape as of yet.  However, he might still be too young.  Perhaps in puberty?
  • I haven’t heard of any werewolfs in the family--although that could just be a well kept secret.
  • He doesn’t as yet growl.  But then again, he is still young.

I am afraid that the evidence strongly suggests that Baby F. is a wolf-baby.  It is too soon to tell as most of the signs express themselves during puberty (according to Stephenie Meyer, a self-proclaimed expert on the matter.) 

The only other explanation could be that he is teething again, but that seems highly unlikely.

2 comments:

Hizzeather said...

bah ha ha!

Definitely safer to assume something uber-dramatic rather than something so boring as teething! :)

heidikins said...

Hahaha, this made me giggle.

xox

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