Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Small Dictator


I have nicknamed Baby F. “The Small Dictator.”  I have learned that as a parent of a small child, my life revolves around him and his needs.  My needs?  Completely secondary--like sometimes I have to beg for a bathroom break.

Like Machiavelli, The Small Dictator could write a treatise on how to bend others to do his will.  It would include some of the following:

  • Keep your subjects weak.  Severely limit their sleep and food intake by constantly demanding their presence.
  • Keep them constantly occupied so that rebellion doesn’t strike.  Do this by demanding continual entertainment.
  • Show your disdain for them by spitting up and occasionally relieving yourself on them.  This will keep them humble and also establish social rank.
  • Always keep them second guessing by refusing to establish a regular schedule.
  • Prevent fraternizing of the servants.  Servants should not have time to spend together alone, even if there is a marital relationship.
  • And finally, above all, remain as attractive and as cute as possible, occasionally bestowing smiles on those who serve you so that you lighten the burden of their servitude.

    4 comments:

    yola said...

    This cracked me up to no end. Fraternizing indeed. Good luck with overthrowing the despot...my guess is in about 20 years you'll finally see your successful rebellion. ;)

    Emily said...

    bahahaha. Love it!

    Hizzeather said...

    Too funny!

    He looks like you! I love it when I can see the parents in babies! :

    Jen said...

    I'm taking notes......

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