Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Small Dictator

I have nicknamed Baby F. “The Small Dictator.”  I have learned that as a parent of a small child, my life revolves around him and his needs.  My needs?  Completely secondary--like sometimes I have to beg for a bathroom break.

Like Machiavelli, The Small Dictator could write a treatise on how to bend others to do his will.  It would include some of the following:

  • Keep your subjects weak.  Severely limit their sleep and food intake by constantly demanding their presence.
  • Keep them constantly occupied so that rebellion doesn’t strike.  Do this by demanding continual entertainment.
  • Show your disdain for them by spitting up and occasionally relieving yourself on them.  This will keep them humble and also establish social rank.
  • Always keep them second guessing by refusing to establish a regular schedule.
  • Prevent fraternizing of the servants.  Servants should not have time to spend together alone, even if there is a marital relationship.
  • And finally, above all, remain as attractive and as cute as possible, occasionally bestowing smiles on those who serve you so that you lighten the burden of their servitude.


    yola said...

    This cracked me up to no end. Fraternizing indeed. Good luck with overthrowing the despot...my guess is in about 20 years you'll finally see your successful rebellion. ;)

    Emily said...

    bahahaha. Love it!

    Hizzeather said...

    Too funny!

    He looks like you! I love it when I can see the parents in babies! :

    Jen said...

    I'm taking notes......


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