Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Too Much Information

I get a lot of people asking me, “how are you doing?” Which, you know, is a nice enough question in and of itself, but when I answer with “great, just a little tired” or “I am doing really well!” they just look at me, and then say proddingly, “are you really doing o.k.?” Like if they keep repeating the question, I will finally give in to all inhibition and tell it like it is. What they really want is all the gory details--The type of information that you just don’t share in polite society. Well people, today is your lucky day. Today I am going to share a story with you that perhaps should best be kept within the walls of my own home. But I am just keeping pregnancy real, folks.

Sunday, I gave birth to a coke can. Well not an actual coke can, but something very much akin to a coke can in size.

Let’s step back a bit shall we? Mr. F. and I eat a lot of fiber in the form of beans, vegetables and whole grains. This isn’t a surprise as I have mentioned it here before. This diet has been remarkably helpful during pregnancy. As a result of said diet, I haven’t had to deal with a lot of the typical pregnancy complaints such as constipation and hemorrhoids. Thank you, happy digestive system!

But then……came then…..

Mr. F. and I traveled down to visit his sister and her family this past weekend. What with all the sitting, the small changes in diet, the new environment, and some dehydration (although I still had to pee on the hour, every hour!), it should be no surprise that my system flew slightly out of whack—I didn’t have a BM (bowel movement for those of you whose dad wasn’t a Dr.) for a whole day, maybe close to two days if you look at actual hours. I didn’t think this was going to be an issue. After all, that can be a normal length between BMs for some people.

I have been told a few times that giving birth can feel like you are passing a very large poo. Obviously, I can’t verify this statement…..yet. However, if that is the case, I had a practice run the other night. I came home from our trip and attempted to go #2. And I tried…..and I thought I was going to die. I honestly felt like I was giving birth, people. In fact, my mind was reviewing all the information I learned in my birthing class to see if any of it was applicable. (What could I do to prevent tearing? How can I use gravity to help? Etc.) I was employing my yoga breathing and visualization techniques. I even reached “the wall” where I could no longer go back but forward seemed impossible too.

I won’t leave you in suspense nor pain you with any more unwanted details. The “birth” was successful and with minimal damage to me. Thankfully, the world quickly righted itself, and I am once again “regular as always.” However, in the back of my mind, I have to wonder how similar the experience is to the actual birth process. Most importantly, how it is going to be when the item I am trying to bear is the size of a 2L bottle vs. just a coke can. *shudder!*

And the moral of this bathroom tale: Eat Your Fiber and Stay Hydrated. Really, you don't want to experience this.

1 comment:

Hizzeather said...

Well, at least you can now understand all those girls on "I didn't know I was pregnant." Except they really DID have babies on the toilet! :)


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