“He waited until she had drunk some of the wine, and had begun to recover her complexion, and then said: ‘Now tell me, Jenny, what’s the matter? You’ve been out of sorts lately, haven’t you? Have you been trotting too hard?’
‘No of course I haven’t!’
‘Then what is it?’
She cast him a goaded look. ‘If you must know, I’m increasing!’ she said baldly.
It had not occurred to him that she might be pregnant, and surprise held him silent, just starting at her. She said defensively: ‘Well, it was only what was to be expected, after all! I mean I’m breeding, you know.’”
A Civil Contract
Dear readers, it is true. I am breeding! And yes, I use that term deliberately as I think it describes my feelings exactly. I do not feel all holy and “with child.” Nor do I feel all yuppy in my prego/preggers state. Instead, I feel like some bloated and exhausted old sow/cow who really would like to be left alone and be done with it already.
Not to say that I am not excited. I definitely have “episodes” of excitement. These however are often lost in the other overwhelming feelings of fear, anxiety, panic, and yes, exhaustion. Because, I will be honest with you, most of my thoughts are the following:
“What the CRAP was I thinking?!”
“I’m not ready to be a parent!”
“Who does this more than once?!”
“How am I going to cope with being even more tired!?”
But yes, I will reiterate lest you think me ungrateful: we are excited.
And for those interested in tracking these things: I am currently 10 weeks along, with a due date of 3/27/10. (If anyone actually pays attention to due dates. I just think of it as “the end of March”)
who in all actuality, is just trying to make it through one day at a time.