Monday, August 31, 2009

Disclosure

The current state of affairs being as they are, I have accomplished little besides being well rested and well read. The current author of choice: Georgette Heyer, a favorite of mine who wrote lovely, lovely, entertaining fluff. Thank goodness she was prolific. In thinking about how to disclose the true nature of my perpetual state of malaise, it was understandable therefore, given my recent literary habits, that I should have this particular passage running around in my head:


“He waited until she had drunk some of the wine, and had begun to recover her complexion, and then said: ‘Now tell me, Jenny, what’s the matter? You’ve been out of sorts lately, haven’t you? Have you been trotting too hard?’
‘No of course I haven’t!’
‘Then what is it?’
She cast him a goaded look. ‘If you must know, I’m increasing!’ she said baldly.

It had not occurred to him that she might be pregnant, and surprise held him silent, just starting at her. She said defensively: ‘Well, it was only what was to be expected, after all! I mean I’m breeding, you know.’”


A Civil Contract
Georgette Heyer



Dear readers, it is true. I am breeding! And yes, I use that term deliberately as I think it describes my feelings exactly. I do not feel all holy and “with child.” Nor do I feel all yuppy in my prego/preggers state. Instead, I feel like some bloated and exhausted old sow/cow who really would like to be left alone and be done with it already.

Not to say that I am not excited. I definitely have “episodes” of excitement. These however are often lost in the other overwhelming feelings of fear, anxiety, panic, and yes, exhaustion. Because, I will be honest with you, most of my thoughts are the following:

“What the CRAP was I thinking?!”
“I’m not ready to be a parent!”
“Who does this more than once?!”
“How am I going to cope with being even more tired!?”

But yes, I will reiterate lest you think me ungrateful: we are excited.

And for those interested in tracking these things: I am currently 10 weeks along, with a due date of 3/27/10. (If anyone actually pays attention to due dates. I just think of it as “the end of March”)

Lady Susan
who in all actuality, is just trying to make it through one day at a time.

19 comments:

Megan James said...

Amen...Amen... My deepest sympathies and also happiest congratulations! I remember feeling the same way "who on earth would do this more than once?" and yet here I am more than once overjoyed already. Congratulations and good luck. In my not so expert opinion, things will only get better, more fun and more exciting. You've already survived the worst of it.

Sarah said...

Ooh, congratulations!

Emily said...

I agree with megan completely! I am excited for you - it really is so much fun I promise. You will one day look back & wonder what ever occupied your time before the "wee bairn" came to your home. I love all your posts - they always make me laugh & bring back memories such as reading the morning study guide in our southern accents in good ole Dneper. Good luck - can't wait for more posts on this! :)

mbudge said...

YAY!
so so so excited for you !!

Kristin said...

What, out you on Facebook, I don't even know what that thing is. Congratulations!!! Not to scare you, but I don't think you will ever get over being overwhelmed as a parent. I never have and I'd like to think that I am normal. I am happy for you and hope the pregnancy continues to go well.

Misty said...

Yay! Congratulations! I don't envy the pregnancy. They were the worst 40 months of my life. HOWEVER...the results are fantastic!

Karen said...

Hi Deanna! Thanks for sharing your news!!! Congratulations and hope you start to feel better until well, the 8th month!? best wishes and love,
karen

Jaimee said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so excited for you two. Please don't feel badly if you aren't thoroughly enjoying pregnancy; many of us don't. It is, after all, the end result that matters. Though there are some joys to be had while "breeding." Hearing the heart beat, feeling the baby move, seeing your baby on an ultrasound, and the awesome life altering experience of labor. 10 weeks already! That is quite the accomplishment! I hope that if you have been experiencing the crushing fatigue and awful nausea of the first tri, that you get some relief very soon. Most women start to feel better around 12-14 weeks (not me, but that's just me). I can't wait to see belly pics as you progress. Keep us all updated and if you want to talk pregnancy, baby products, birth, and parenting, I'm here! Congrats again! :)

Anonymous said...

I had suspected as much, but was willing to wait until you were ready to dish. : ) Congratulations! You and Ryan will be great parents.
Kari F

Hizzeather said...

WOW! Congratulations! I am a bit jealous, even though I am just as scared to become a parent. You will be a wonderful mother though, the perfect mother for your child! Yay!!!!

heidikins said...

Oh goodness, this is exciting! Congrats!

And, despite your current feelings, I happen to believe that the "I feel like a cow" phase goes away...at least that's what "they" say.

;o)

xox

yola said...

I have absolutely no clue what you're going through but please accept my best wishes for your health and happiness! :) I can't wait to bestow my exceptional expertise as an auntie! Congrats F-Family!

Lady Susan said...

Awww. Thanks everyone! I sort of feel like Anne Shirley when told that her hair might someday turn into a glorious auburn, "You have given me hope, and I will always think of you as the benefactress."

Janssen said...

Major congratulations! I, of course, have no words of wisdom to offer. Too bad.

LBS said...

Am sending congratulations and many happy thoughts from Miami!!! You will be an absolutely fabulous mom.

Kristin Behling Valle said...

congrats!!!!

I know how you feel. I'm pregnant too (due middle of March) and have been very sick and tired (and depressed)-- because I am sick and tired, not because I am pregnant.

Hopefully, it will get better for both of us!!!

Anonymous said...

so did you come out to the rest of the fam or is this how you are coming out????

MBC said...

Congratulations!

Lynda said...

Yay! I finally check my facebook account and see that you are expecting and now you only have three months left!!!! I am excited for you! and can mourn with your very uncomfortable state but only three more months!
Lynda

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