I might have mentioned this before, but Mr. F. was the first boy I ever seriously dated. I wouldn’t necessarily counsel people to marry the first person they seriously dated, but so far, I have no complaints. Being 29 at the time also helped in that although I had never dated, I could still spot a punk when I saw one.
When I start something new like knitting or sewing, I like to read up on it to inform myself on the key points of the subject. “This is a pearl stitch.” “This is how you create a cable,” etc. So when my friend mentioned the phrase “The 5 Languages of Love” when I first started dating, I felt this fell within the category of “stuff you should know about relationships now that you are in one.” And so I read the book, or perhaps just looked up gads of stuff on the internet. I forget.
(Note: books telling you how to do something like how to knit, how to sew, how to parent, should not be confused with “self-help” books. I have no desire to be “highly effective.” I do however desire to learn how to make a mean scarf. I know. I am splitting hairs here.)
I am sure you have heard of this book. Everyone and their grandma have heard about this book. There are a million different websites were you can answer ridiculous hypothetical relationship questions, and they order your love languages for you.
Here are my answers to one such quiz:
Quality time - 8
Words of Affirmation - 7
Acts of Service - 4
Receiving of Gifts -1
How to interpret:
Your highest score indicates your primary love language.
Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language.
If two scores are identical, you are bilingual (you have two primary love languages).
If the scores of your primary and your secondary language are close (for example, 10 & 9 respectfully), it indicates both are important to you.
Whatever a significant other does to express love in either of these languages will get emotional points with you.
The highest possible score for any language is 12.
Now that I have been married for 7 months, I am very, very wise when it comes to relationships (bwaahaaahaa). And here is what I think. This is crap.
Well partial crap.
I would have to say that on the whole this ordering is correct. But take for example last night. Last night I was really, really tired. And sick. I came home from work and all I wanted to do was putter around reading sewing books (am teaching myself how to sew these days) and cooking magazines. Maybe I snacked on some food while I was at it. And what was Mr. F. doing? He was making homemade chicken noodle soup, starting from step one where he made the broth and cooked the whole chicken and ending with making homemade egg noodles. All while I sat in the next room and did nothing besides cough and blow my nose.
That is service people. That is love
Do you know where service fell on my “5 love languages” list? It was second to last. I am not supposed to care about service.
If Mr. F. had snuggled with me after work last night and told me how wonderful I was and then left me to cook my own dinner, I would not have been happy. He might have been the recipient of a very, very cold shoulder. Luckily, Mr. F. is smarter than that, which is why I married him in the first place.
What I am trying to illustrate here is that this order changes on a daily, even hourly scale. Therefore, I propose a new love language, one that trumps all the other five.
Really, all the guy needs to do is to read your mind in order to ascertain which would be the most appropriate way to show his love at that moment.
Mind Reading—the ultimate way to show love.