Monday, May 5, 2008

Against my better judgement....

I found this post and although I should be writing my term paper that is due in less than a week and although this girl was posting in hope of encouragement and support versus the slight mocking treatment I am now giving it, I couldn’t resist.

I am keeping this post as anonymous as possible because 1) I don’t want the poor authoress stalking me down and burning down my apartment in retribution and 2) My diaries from 10 years ago sound remarkably like this. However, I didn’t post my journal entries on the internet. Posts on the internet (including mine) are considered fair game. The girl is obviously LDS from her post and this will also be addressed in my comments.

So here we go. My comments are in italics.


I know this will sound sappy and typical of a young lady, but I need some support and guidance. I am pretty confused and uncertain about my future. I am facing an interesting prospect. There is a man in love with me, or at least showing strong signs of it. He is everything I could ever want. He is loving, gentle, patient, good with children, and he is of my faith.

But..... he is very many years older than I am. This doesn't bother me particularly, especially since I know he has not had any previous marriages. (o.k. but if he is many years older……why isn’t he in a relationship/married? It is a truth universally acknowledged that an unmarried LDS man over the age of thirty has issues. Lots of them. While there may be exceptions, this is a general rule. I should know. I have interacted with a lot of them. This rule does not hold for non-LDS guys. Single, non-LDS guys over the age of 30 are perfectly normal). I do worry that he has had so much more experience in dating than I have. He is such a nice, sincere flirt (sincere flirt?! Isn’t this an oxymoron? Flirts, in my option, are punks and should be dealt with accordingly—a slap upside the head.) that has tons of women after him. (This is even worse. Because now he is going to be a cocky flirt—he will think that he is God’s gift to women.) I am a very perceptive person. I trust the feeling that his attentions are truly sincere toward me, although he is holding back because I am so young.

I have been on several group outings with him. He treats me with the utmost respect and concern. I would trust him with my life. (o.k. this is overly dramatic. I would never trust anyone with my life that I have known only casually, and group “outings” are casual.) He tries not to advance too fast, for which I am grateful most of the time. He has hinted towards his feelings for me to Mom on several occasions, as much as he dares. (This is just creepy. Who does that? I do not confide in my future mother-in-law my feelings regarding Mr. F., and I am engaged to the fellow.) When he looks at me, a slow-Darcy-like smile crosses his face, I meet his eyes and my woman's intuition knows immediately that he loves me. (I am truly sorry, but this had me gagging here--“woman’s intuition!?” Could we sound any more like a poorly written, bodice-ripping romance?) I love him too, but I don't believe I'm "in love" yet. I see him as a very dear, sweet person. Sometimes I would be perfectly content to become his wife and other times I just don't know if I should encourage it. (Content huh. Now that is romantic language if I ever heard it. I am reminded of Charlotte Collins nee’ Lucas in the BBC Pride and Prejudice adaptation saying that she was perfectly content with seeing her husband only 30 minutes a day.)

I have two other guys who have slight crushes on me, but they aren't taking any action. Fortunately Ben does, and that is why I like him. (And what kind of action is Ben taking pray tell? *eyebrow waggle*). He always makes a point to say goodbye to me after an activity and always opens the car door for me. I have been looking for a chivalrous, honorable man for so long, only to find that teenage ones don't exist in this corrupt society. (So cynical for one so young! Teenage boys are punks. That is why you don’t marry them. But then again, you shouldn’t be thinking about marriage at the age of 18, or however old you are. Live a little. Have fun!) So does that mean I need to go for a man almost as old as my mother?! I just don't know. (No! It means you wait for them to get older and get older yourself. Have a life. Develop your personality, dang it!)

Please any stories about age gap courtships/marriages would help. I am in a very Emma-ish situation. Imagine Mr. Knightley - that's exactly how my Ben is. (O.k. Here is our problem. You have romanticized the situation. This is why you are not thinking clearly.)


And yes there is more……


I am not trying to imply a marriage right now. (You aren’t?! Because I am seriously getting that vibe here. If you aren’t serious thinking about marriage, why is this even an issue? If it turns into a relationship, then it turns into a relationship. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Don’t pretend that you are not jumping to marriage when it is so apparent that you are. I know. I have been there.) I am just curious if I should encourage and help it along. (If he is so much older, wiser and honorable, then he really does not need encouragement “helping it along.” I am pretty sure he will have to skills to progress the relationship. I would advise against throwing yourself at him). He is sixteen years my senior. I have the personality that allows me to be friends with any age group but I prefer to be around older, more mature people who I do not need to baby all the time. I am the oldest of seven, have done my share of "being the mommy" and do not want to mother my husband much. (I think we can all agree with you there). I want someone who will protect me and cherish me, someone a little more experienced and cognizant of the things that matter.

I have dated about seven boys closer to my age and although I view them as dear friends, there is some depth missing. (Well then, you should better give up now. There is no hope. If you’ve seen seven you’ve seen them all.) I don't think I have the patience to grow up with them. I have already completed a year of college and I have had many adult experiences already. (Wow! A whole year. That is a lot. Too bad I didn’t find myself until after four years of college and a year and a half of living in Ukraine. Wait, who am I kidding, I am still finding myself. But trust me; I wasn’t anywhere close after my freshman year of college.)

I have many good friends who have known him for years. I have known him for three. One young man, a mutual friend, told me Ben has dated many, many girls, once or twice. He never follows up on the third or fourth dates. (RED FLAG! RED FLAG!) The reason - he has been waiting for a knowledge that one of them is the right girl. (Uh huh. Sure. Whatever you say. Like you could tell that after only going on a few dates? Puhleese.) You see, in my religion we believe that a husband and wife are bound together forever, that they continue to build their relationship after this life. This is not "to death do us part". That is why he has been so meticulous about who he gives his heart to. I think it honestly endears me all the more. (Or it means that he is a commitment-phobe and has serious issues. I prefer my analysis of the situation.)


Just embrace spinsterhood. It is the only viable option.


Heather said...

Yes! Lady Susan is back and her wit is sharper than ever! :)

Retail Worker #48721093 said...

Uh, 30 year old+ men who aren't LDS also have issues. Trust me.


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