So as promised, I present to you the more complete version of the proposal story. However, as it could very easily become tedious both to read and write, I will further break it down into quaint vignettes.
Wherein Mr. F. gets The Ring.
The problem with proposing to a girl without first discussing about it beforehand is this: you have no idea of ring size. Since we no longer live in an age where dress gloves are vogue, the man must find other sneaky and devious means of estimating size rather than absconding with the Lady’s glove. That is why I found myself one Saturday late in February stopped with Mr. F. in front of Jewelry store.
Me (rather suspicious): Why are we stopping here?
Mr. F. (nonchalantly): My sister has charged me with finding her a pushing gift. M. [her husband] has bad taste, and she wants me to give him ideas.
Me (appeased by the very plausible story): Oh, o.k.
[An aside here. For all of you Southeners out there, just stop calling it a pushing gift. Please. It is vulgar in the extreme. And it makes my ears bleed. For those of you that have no idea what a “pushing gift” is, God bless your pure, unblemished souls. A “pushing gift” is a gift that a man gives his wife after she has given birth.]
Mr. F. and I walk around the store. I studiously avoid the large wedding ring section as I don’t want Mr. F. to think that I have been thinking, even remotely, about weddings and wedding rings.
[But I had dear reader. That is the truth of the matter. I had been thinking a lot about weddings and rings. However, I was prepared to think about it for a whole lot longer.]
We look at earrings. We discuss birthstones. We end up looking at garnet rings. And then--Whammo! The next think I know, Mr. F. is asking me to try on a ring.
Mr. F.: Here try this on.
Mr. F.: I want to see what it looks like on non-hairy, non-manly fingers.
Wherein I succumb and I try on the ring. However, I make very sure to try it on my right hand vs. my left. And although I tried to fit it on every finger but my ring finger, the ring finger is the only one it fit. Which is how Mr. F., through trickery and deviousness, got an estimate of ring size, which information he used to great effect. Obviously.