Wednesday, January 2, 2008

An Omen

I found a dead mouse in my cupboard yesterday. I haven’t decided yet whether finding a dead mouse in your house at the start of a new year is a good or bad omen. It could portend that all things disgusting and insidious in my life will figuratively die this year, leaving it beautiful and lovely. Or it could mean that death and disease lurk around the corner and will be a major theme in 2008. I think we all know which one I would prefer.

In reality, 2008 scares the crap out of me and not because of any dead mouse. I have this feeling that 2008 will be a year of Great Decisions—decisions like, what am I going to do with the next few years of my life? I finish up my masters this year, and I have to figure out what the next step is going to be. Am I going to continue on towards a Ph.D.? Do I want to explore other options? And what are those other options? Given the blueprint of my life so far, I am pretty much guaranteed that whatever happens will not be straight forward. Most likely, I will be blind to what my options are and what my decisions should be until the very last moment. I hate that.

It is at this point, when I am all stressed out and hyperventilating, that I just have to take some deep yoga breaths and remember that there are very few permanent decisions and life should be enjoyed one day at a time. To quote About a Boy:

I find the key is to think of a day as units of time, each unit consisting of no more than thirty minutes. Full hours can be a little bit intimidating and most activities take about half an hour. Taking a bath: one unit, watching countdown: one unit, web-based research: two units, exercising: three units, having my hair carefully disheveled: four units. It's amazing how the day fills up.

1 comment:

Retail Worker #48721093 said...

My thoughts on the year's the year I turn 30. *splutters*

I think back to that lovely sixth day in June (the year 1997) and all that I thought life would be when I turned 30. At that time I thought that by now I would have finished or almost finished my Ph.D. and would be teaching or off on a dig somewhere in Turkey and there would be some sort of a relationship in my life. Yeah...nothing has turned out quite like I expected. Heh.

Damn existential depression. I need coffee. :D


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