Monday, November 19, 2007

The Unknown Boyfriend

Dear readers, did you forget? Did you think I would forget? Oh, no. When it comes to Sr. Loco stories, I never forget. I was just slightly distracted. However, presentations, tests, and term papers have all been completed and now it is Time.

The Setting: a lovely Cuban restaurant in Providence, RI.
The Players:
The Privy Lab Groupers: those who know all about Sr. Loco and his stalking attempts.
The Lab Groupers: those who don’t know about Sr. Loco’s stalking habits.
The Informer: a girl from an affiliated but distantly located lab who was acquainted with one of the Lab Groupers.

There we were sitting in a lovely Cuban restaurant--I was sipping on my mango soda and eating way too many tortilla chips and bean dip. Conversation had broken down into smaller groups. Suddenly I hear Sr. Loco’s name.

The Informer: I heard that [Sr. Loco] has become all religious.

Lab Grouper 1: Yeah, supposedly that’s the story. We could ask someone who would know. (Lab grouper 1 turns to me) [Lady Susan] is it true that [Sr. Loco] has found religion?

Me (rather hesitant and brief): Yes, [Sr. Loco] has found religion.

As I didn’t want to necessarily talk about Sr. Loco’s newly found religion (it being a sore point with me--signifying the complete parasitism of my life by Sr. Leach) I went back to talking to the rest of the group. However, my reprieve of the subject was not to be. I next overheard this shocking piece of information.

The Informer: Yeah, supposedly his girlfriend introduced him to the church he joined.

Me (shrieking): WHAT?!!!

The Privy Lab Groupers: WHAT?!!!

The Informer: Yeah, I was on a field trip with him not too long ago. I was driving and he was sitting right behind me. He was going on and on about religion to the people next to him. (She looks apologetically at me.) Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people who are religious….but he seemed like a bit of a bible thumper. He mentioned that his girlfriend introduced him to the church that he had just joined.

Privy Lab Grouper 1 (looking at my shocked face and clutching at straws): Perhaps he meant someone else at church?

Me (in a voice of dread): There aren’t any other single twenty-something year old women at church besides myself.

Privy Lab Grouper 1 (said empathetically): Oh.

Lab Grouper 2: What? Are you dating [Sr. Loco]?

Me (appalled): NO!

Privy Lab Grouper 2: [Sr. Loco] has a crush on [Lady Susan] and basically stalks her.

The Informer: So you are the girlfriend?

Me (weakly): I guess so. (I slump my forehead down on the table)

Lab Grouper 1: Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

Me (revived): What makes sense?!

Lab Grouper 1: Oh things that [Sr. Loco] has mentioned in passing and his sudden love of Dar Williams. He has mentioned that he has “a woman,” and we had pretty much narrowed it down to you.

Me: Aaak!

So there you have it readers. Sr. Loco has been going around telling people that he has a girlfriend. And from his description, the only possibility is that this girlfriend is ME! Who knew? Well, obviously everyone else at this point. I don’t even know when we started dating. Did I miss any important anniversaries? Do you remember me telling you about Sr. Loco’s disappearance and his avoidance of me (which is still continuing by the way)? Now I think he was breaking up with me! He was breaking up with me even before I knew we were dating. What is the protocol for this? I don’t know. In any case, if I start refering to "my Ex," you now know to whom I refer.

My life is just weird.

4 comments:

yola said...

oh, oh, how I chuckle! Your life may be weird, but it's so entertaining. :)

Lin said...

i have no words. that is craziness squared. wow.

Emily said...

this is better than anything on tv. I love it!!! You better start thinking about what to get your boyfriend for Christmas :)

Heather said...

Awesome story! Worth the wait. Not that I had to wait, since I am reading these entries months after they were written. But if I did have to wait the 7 days that everyone else had to, I would still think it was worth the wait. :)
Question - Does 'Sr.' stand for Senor or Sir? Or something else entirely?

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