Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Sr. Loco--0, The Pizza--1

The Scene: A brightly lit kitchen and a pot of tomato sauce boiling on the stove. Sr. Loco stands at the island with a large ball of dough in his hands.

Sr. Loco: Guess what. I am making pizza. Hey, am I doing this right?

Sr. Loco pounds the dough mercilessly on the table, smashing, smothering, and pulling on the dough with his entire body. Listening closely, Lady Susan can hear the yeasties crying out for mercy.

Lady Susan: No! What are you doing?! You need to be gentle. Do you want your gluten to seize up?

Lady Susan shows Sr. Loco how to gently stretch the dough using fingertips and the natural weight of the dough.

Lady Susan: See? Gentle.

Sr. Loco recommences in forming the dough. Although he is now using his fingertips, his force has not diminished. Lady Susan removes herself from the offensive, abusive scene.

--The Next Day—

Sr. Loco takes his pizza out of the fridge. Lady Susan notices that the pizza has been baked within an inch of its life. The cheese, which has moved past the stage of caramelization, now resembles cement. The crust is stale cracker, and the pepperoni are fried, brittle disks. A thin wail, perceptive to the true culinary heart, rises from the pathetic pie.

Sr. Loco: I can make a good pizza.

Lady Susan: It looks a bit......toasty.

--Time Passes—

An outburst of cursing can be heard in the general direction of Sr. Loco. Lady Susan moves into the kitchen to enquire as to its cause.

Sr. Loco: I broke my tooth on the pizza!

Lady Susan smiles surreptitiously, glad to find the pizza attaining revenge at the end.


Lin said...

i think you actually have to try to break a tooth with pizza. that is insane. and really funny.

Janssen said...

WOW, that's hilarious. Who would have guessed? I shall be very careful in the future not to let my gluten sieze up.

Thanks for commenting!

Anonymous said...

Of course, Sr. Loco hasn't been to the dentist since he was in high school. "You only need to go to the dentist if you don't take care of your teeth. I brush my teeth every day." Given that, I wouldn't be surprised if he broke his tooth while eating soup.

Emily said...

That is quite funny! Sr Loco sounds like a great character for a book...

yola said...

Wait, are you making all of this up? Is Sr. Loco really just a figment of your incredibly colorful imagination? Because how in the world does he possibly exist outside of a novel or a movie? ;)


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