Friday, June 15, 2007

The Princess and the Pea (or how Lady Wicker can not sleep)

It has been a while since I have related any news regarding that infamous Lady Wicker. Truth be told, there was little news forthcoming as my sister, N., was abroad. Today, however, I received from her some correspondence which again mentions our favorite subject (well at least mine.) For you to fully understand the letter, I must first apprise you of some previous events.

The current list of grievances to date include:

1) Eating N. out of house and home. Instances include eating a quarter of a chocolate cake in the space of a 12 hour period, eating a gallon size can of dried apples in the course of a month (I don’t want to think how her colon liked that!), eating anything N. has made that week regardless of N.’s plans for the leftovers.

2) The severe junking up of the popcorn pan. At first this might be seen as a minor offence. However, when one takes into the account how N. is a popcorn fiend, how this popcorn pan makes the most perfectly popped corn one has ever tasted, one can started getting a glimpse of the seriousness of the crime. N. mistakenly showed Lady Wicker how she popped popcorn in the special popcorn pot. Lady Wicker obviously agreed with the deliciousness of the resulting popcorn. Lady Wicker started making gallons of said popcorn. The problem? Lady Wicker does not ever clean the popcorn pan after she uses it. N. leaves the country for a month. The state of the pan on her return a month later was appalling. Oil layer upon oil layer baked on from daily use. N.’s wrath at this point can only be imagined.

3) Lady Wicker can not clean—calls wiping the floor with some water cleaning. She has been complaining of an infestation of spiders and the like. She wants to bring in the exterminator. She hasn’t cleaned her room since moving in a year ago. She seems upset at N.’s rather unsympathetic view on this.

4) Lady Wicker keeps suffers from insomnia. This means that Lady Wicker is up to the wee smalls watching television from the front room. As the walls are paper thin, N. has taken to wearing ear plus every night in order to sleep.

One more thing you should know. Depending on the time of year, N.’s bedroom door sticks…..rather badly. It takes some force to open it. This is due to the humidity of her location.

As you know are familiar with all the particulars. I can share with you the correspondence.

Lady Wicker’s letter to N.


I'm sending an email about a concern since I may miss seeing you entirely today.

Every day for a week I've been awakened between 5:00 and 5:30 by your bedroom door. Since I don't usually fall asleep until around 2:00 this comes as a rather rude awakening. Sometimes I can fall back to sleep, but often (like today) I can't and it influences my productivity for the rest of the day. When I get home late, I always go out of my way to be quiet---taking off my shoes before entering, talking lowly if I'm on the phone, gently closing the front, bathroom and bedroom doors, etc., and have even asked you if these efforts are sufficient to make sure I'm not disturbing your sleep. Actually, I've tried to be very conscientious about my use of the apartment overall (I've never had people over, almost always leave the front room free for your use, and so forth)


I'm not sure what the problem is with your door, but maybe you could get it fixed (there must be a maintenance service for this kind of thing) or, for the time being, perhaps you could leave your door slightly ajar at night since you tend to get up during the night (and I rarely do) so my sleep isn't disturbed?

Thanks for your consideration about this!

Sincerely etc…..


N.’s response to said letter addressed to her sisters:


So check this out... I do not know even where to start. We could start with the fact that I have to wear ear plugs in my own home so she does not wake me up when she is up till 2-3 AM. The fact that my door is closed because she is up that late, and I have to keep it shut to keep her noise out. She rarely gets up at night yet she stays up till 2-3 Am. she repeatedly uses 2 parking spaces. She never cleans the blender, I shredded my hands scouring out the popcorn pan. This is going to eat at me all day.

Lady Wicker falls in the category of manipulator: a person who reflects the blame onto another person…..every.single.time. Notice how she portrays herself entirely as the victim in this scenario. She never is inconsiderate. She never does anything wrong….yet she is plagued with sleeplessness. Why? Because N. insists on using the bathroom at 5 in the morning and her door sticks. All the blame lies with N. She is the inconsiderate one.

Honestly, the door sticks….and it is loud….and it woke me up most mornings when I was living with N. But, come on. It is a door. And compared to the efforts N. has made to get sleep, trying to be understanding of Lady Wicker’s insomnia, I can’t help but view Lady Wicker in a bad light.

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