Monday, June 11, 2007

Murder Attempt

“But I fear we are being poisoned--oh, unintentionally, I suppose. The fact is we are convinced this new scullery maid we have hired never rinses the dishes; and soap, as you know, is highly poisonous.”

Miss Diana Parker
In Sanditon by Jane Austen


And by such wretched means, Sr. Loco attempted to murder me just the other day! He had sprayed the oven with easy-off or some such toxic cleaner and instead of wiping it off after the prescribed two hours, let it sit in the oven for some unsuspecting person. So when the next day I pre-heated the oven in preparation to bake my crust for my fresh strawberry pie, I was overwhelmed by the toxic fumes. As Fanny Thornton so apply puts it, “I thought I was going to die!” At first, I hadn’t the faintest idea as to the origin of the noxious fumes, however after a time, twisting, malevolent smoke rose from the depths of the oven, locating the poisons position. I opened the oven only to have the fumes assail my lungs with greater concentration. As a result, I will probably catch a great malady and die an early death.

Ironically, Sr. Loco did not descend from his abode until after I had cleaned his mess, despite my calling to him earlier. Coincidence? I think not. I am confident I did not mistake his look of surprise. In fact, I am pretty sure he came down expecting to see my expired, lifeless body strewn on the kitchen floor. I will get my revenge however! To start with, no fresh strawberry pie for him.

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