Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Lady Wicker

I have been horribly remiss in introducing you to my sister’s new, psychotic roommate—Lady Wicker. Lady Wicker, first and foremost, is a lover of wicker. Everything she owns is so lovingly adorned: the extra wicker wastepaper basket she put in the bathroom, the matching wicker soap and toothbrush holder (wicker toothbrush holder! The ridiculousness and the nastiness of it all!), the extraneous wicker basket on the toilet to hold fluffy, white cotton balls, the wicker planters for each of her six plants. And why the title “Lady” you ask? Because either she was born with, or has, over time, finely developed an amazing sense of ENTITLEMENT--a sense of entitlement that doesn’t think twice about recruiting complete strangers to arduously labor in helping her move while she directs in high heels and slacks. This is a woman who upon being given a room, takes over the entire apartment. Multiple towels pop up in the bathroom pushing out my sister’s one. Shampoo bottles start reproducing by means of binary fission, soon overcrowding their siblings. Strange, foul odors (vanilla and brown sugar….blech!) start permeating the rooms. Any food product containing sugar rapidly disappears at the speed of light. And all done with a blasé air.

My sister, currently treating herself to much needed solitude and relaxation in the form of skiing recently received an email from our downstairs neighbor.

“i realize i shouldn't complain, given that my dog barks everytime you walk by....but, can you ask your roommate to keep her music down? i can hear it crystal clear from most parts of my apartment. Unfortunately, it's a genre of music i can't really get into.”

Apparently, Lady Wicker has been used to living in more exalted establishments where one’s music can be played as often and at whatever volume one chooses.

The question remains: how long will Lady Wicker be in residence? One can only suppose. Currently she is to leave at the end of summer, establishing once again her own abode. However, I am not so optimistic on the matter, having seen the obvious discrepancy on what she says and what actually happens. So farewell quiet and solitude! Farewell organization and open spaces!Until we meet again next year.

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